Monday, January 26, 2009

Sometimes a miracle.. sometimes.. user-error

deep breath.
deeeeeeep breath.
I loathe ACCPAC so much. I am beginning to understand why the people who install and setup the program are paid a ludicrous amount of money per hour for the work (which, on average, takes 16 hours for a tiny mfg. company...yes, a tiny company..less than 20 employees, if I remember right.) ....this program is pushing the 20-year mark, I think. Sure, it's been revised and idiot-proofed.
Idiot-proofed to the point that if you aren't bang-on perfect, you either get errors in you reports (in which case, you were perfect enough to slip through the idiot-proofing, but still wrong).. or the program throws up warning/error windows until you fix the problem..and if you can't see the problem, or there really isn't a problem aside from that you're working at something a bit differently from how the system demands you work it...then you're screwed.
2 weeks, plus the rest of this week. And a really good chance I'll never have to deal with the damned thing again, if I can help it.

I had a job like this once.. I woke up one morning and said to myself ~Wow.. I don't think I've ever continued going to a job I hate this much~ ..there are some things that just nibble at the edges of your soul while clawing away at your facade of being a decent person who doesn't throw the nice flatscreen monitors out the classroom window and send the desk after the computer to make sure it dies, wether from initial impact or hopeful desk-crushing afterwards.
....yeh, I know.. computers can't `die`.. but man alive, destroying the bloody thing would ..well.. relieve a fair bit of aggrevation and stress. ...
Oddly enough.. my ipod (see previous post about winning the thing) randomly plays Vengeance is Mine by Alice Cooper on the bus-ride to the house back from school.

One of the lyrics quotes that `vengeance is mine.. to forgive is divine.. not nearly satisfying I find` ...and oh man is that ever true or what?
More than once I've had the opportunity to push my just reach out and take what I want.. and hooboy lemme tell ya.. I wanted it something bad. And on a lot of those occasions.. (too many, some might say).. I haven't done anything. Just sat back.. relaxed.. did nothing.

I'll give you two examples.
A) I was out with a girl, years back, we were at her place, had finished watching a movie.. she was a lil sick, fairly congested..we've known each other for years now.. and so the movie is done, and we're just talking.. she's got a pillow on my lap, her head on the pillow.. the only light comes from the candles, you know those big thick candles? - those ones, on top of the entertainment unit. ...There's a lull in the conversation.. and there's that push to just bend down and kiss her. a kiss does many thing.
A kiss changes everything.
But a kiss should only confirm everything. (you can quote me on that)
and I did nothing. The excuse I use is that..well, she's sick, stuffed up. Kissing would have been like stealing her breath.. she wouldn't have been able to breathe..and besides, when you're all stuffed up, how kissable do you feel??
The truth is.. I love her. And refuse to take advantage of her. And that would have been pressing my advantage.
and part of me ..for a couple years now.. thinks that maybe I should have. Could have just pushed a bit, taken what I desired. But I didn't. I held back.
Lost opportunity. But so be it.

2) I had a great opportunity for exacting all sorts of revenge.. I had this guy by the throat no less, backed into a concrete pillar. After years of betrayals and selfishly-focused woundings, I had this dude where I could quite literally rip out his throat. Close my hand into a fist.. crush the larynx, rend open the esophogus and quite probably break one if not both of his carotid arteries ..carotid? I think that the right one..either of the two veins that run up the side of your neck that vampires love to nibble on...and just listen as he gurgles his last breaths and then walk away.
I had this punk up on his toes, and was right in his face about his trangressions.
So angry my knuckles were white and my hands shaking. I could have killed him right then and there. And maybe I should have. ...maybe I should have. I know this guy almost as well as I know the girl in the previous example. And I know he ain't changing his ways. Hard to change a lifestyle, after all....let alone one you pursue and defend against everything else. I didn't kill him. Would have done the world a service and all that.. sure.
But it ain't my job. No matter how much I would have liked to.. it ain't my place.

Vengeance is Mine, declares the Lord. It is Mine, I will repay.
....well, my own opinion is that God takes His sweet time repaying.
and when I think about that.. it's really a good thing. After all.. where would I be if he was quick to descend with wrath and fury?.. where would you be? We'd all be the scum scraped off someone else's boots as they walked over whatever remained of us... if there was even that much left.

SO... this brings me back to the computer and ACCPAC.
I hate this program. I was ready to leave school about an hour into it. But instead, I tried to fix the problem...numerous times. Only to be given useless advice from the help-centers.
So I went and found myself one of the school techies.. they're good with hardware and networking, but fairly useless with programs. I was about to just uninstall the program and restart from absolute scratch as everything else had failed, even creating a new company profile and such was pooched.. and had that small glimmer of `I better make sure they've got the install-cd here before I do this`. And of course, no they don't.
So... I went for a walk around the block, in just my shirt and pants. Left my coat on my chair and went. It was -21 with the wind, -16 without ... that's in celsius.. so..what.. somewhere from -5 to 3degress fahrenheit? Either way.. was a quick walk to say the least. Get back to my unit, and it's still giving me grief. Go to get a drink..come try one more time..and for whatever reason, it works. It shouldn't have, but it did.

Vengeance is mine?.. no.. frustration is mine. How do you get revenge on an inanimate object, anyway?? The fault is my own, really.. because I'm choosing to use the bloody program (well, I have to use it for the coure..otherwise I can't graduate.).
3 weeks left. ..well.. 2 weeks, 4 days.
The countdown to regaining sanity is on.
Except.. the next module is self-taught(online taught..hah) for payroll..and from what others have said.. it's worse.
We'll see.

On a side note.. the girlfriend/fiance` and I are doing fine. Which is nice. She was away this weekend, whie I and some of the boys tried to recapture some of our youth... that didn't happen too well. But oh well.
Key thing is.. I missed her. And yeh, I love her..but I'm a bit worried, because it's not some kind of gushy, oogey-gooey feeling..just.. almost like slipping into cozy jammies and slippers. Weird.
For once..I'm not fighting in a relationship. Not fighting for their attention, or fighting myself to make them my attention. Weird. Thinking it's a good thing though. ..that whole emotional-rush-love thing.. if it was there, I'd feel a bit better about everything..but I know enough to not trust in emotions anyhow. After all, the heart is deceitful above all else, right?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Back to it


Back into `the grind`. ..and yet... it's comforting, to a degree. Something about a schedule.. of having something to do on a regular basis.. kind of lets you know where you are and what you're doing.
I've often thought I'd love to be an actor.. do essentially the same thing all the time, but it changes everytime you do it. That fits for me overly well, as I get bored with things far too quickly... and yet, I enjoy stability of the same-old same-old. Hard to find something that balances those two things in a good fashion.

I've known I'm a bit of an oddball in this world from the start..and as I get older, more and more I realise just how `beyond the norm` I actually am..and even better, how many more people out there are just. like. me. (you poor goobers!)

Example : Met the girlfriend's parents saturday over dinner. Apparently, this would, for a normal person, be a nervous time of trying to make a good impression while still trying to be yourself and all that jazz.
Me?.. not a nervy twitch whatsoever. I was a bit late (and I'm anal about being places on time..grrr!!!)..but just kinda walked up to the table `Hey, sorry I'm late.. you must be ____ *shake hands* and you must be ____ *shake hands*` sit down at the table and go on like nothing more bizarre had happened than I was late for going out with friends or something.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as all natural as going out with friends, but I use that so you get the idea of how nerve-less I was. Weird.

...and yet.. Get me working inside a computer system.. hardware more than software.. and I'm sweating and frazzled and just bleargh!... It's really odd.. the things that I -should- be nervous about, worried and a bit frazzled over.. I just don't seem to care.. but the other things.. they can get to me if I'm not careful.

~Don't sweat the petty stuff~... Hmm. `Don't worry about the little things`... Um... wrong?
Worry about the little stuff... little things make up the big things.
It's not like a V8 engine is made of one whole component.. it's made up of many smaller modules. If one of those smaller modules is shrecked... the engine itself will be slag. But if all those small pieces are fine-tuned and perfect, that engine will growl like a mountain lion ready for dinner.

So yeah.. I worry about the little things because I know if they're taken care of, the big stuff'll be sorted out by itself (technically, by the little stuff).

Stub a toe. OW OW OW, friggidy McOw, Batman!!
Slash my hand open with a steak knife... uhm... did I just actually do that? (like an idiot, pull skin apart to make sure) ..Yup. Hmm.. better get a papertowel. ..and some ice.
(I'm lucky, I heal quick)

Sunday is a prime example.. 'cause I still have the bruise under my nail. I went to pick up a riser, and must not have been paying attention.. because I jammed my thumbnail into it.. bent it back at the corner. Ow..ow ow ow ow ow friggidy ow, batman!!.. we've all done that.. and it hurts.
Later that day.. I walked into my buddy's apartment.. and somehow managed to bag myself on his door. Not the handle, but the latch. Now before you go asking yourself `how do you whack yourself in the groin with the latch of a door?!`.. I am living proof it is possible. I don't know how, I just know you can do it.
And the thumb hurts worse than that.. it's higher up on the complaint list.
Go figure.

Oh.. to top it off.. what's my sweety say to me about these things?
The door/groin - Ouch, that's gotta hurt. (so sympathetic)
The thumb - well suck it up, buttercup! (she's stealing my line here!!)

We're doing good though. We're like anyone else, we stumble, regain our balance, and fall over in the other direction, only to pick ourselves up and try again.. but we're doing well, I think. (ask her, she may have a different opinion).
And that's something that I need to work on, really.
Relationships can be like a job, or school, or whatever.. they become mundane.. they become routine.. and I can't have that... won't do that to my sweetheart. Because I know if I get bored.. I'm in trouble. Idle hands, and all that rot.
And she deserves better than that. So.. as she deserves better, I will be better, and we'll see where things go from here.