Monday, January 5, 2009

Back to it


Back into `the grind`. ..and yet... it's comforting, to a degree. Something about a schedule.. of having something to do on a regular basis.. kind of lets you know where you are and what you're doing.
I've often thought I'd love to be an actor.. do essentially the same thing all the time, but it changes everytime you do it. That fits for me overly well, as I get bored with things far too quickly... and yet, I enjoy stability of the same-old same-old. Hard to find something that balances those two things in a good fashion.

I've known I'm a bit of an oddball in this world from the start..and as I get older, more and more I realise just how `beyond the norm` I actually am..and even better, how many more people out there are just. like. me. (you poor goobers!)

Example : Met the girlfriend's parents saturday over dinner. Apparently, this would, for a normal person, be a nervous time of trying to make a good impression while still trying to be yourself and all that jazz.
Me?.. not a nervy twitch whatsoever. I was a bit late (and I'm anal about being places on time..grrr!!!)..but just kinda walked up to the table `Hey, sorry I'm late.. you must be ____ *shake hands* and you must be ____ *shake hands*` sit down at the table and go on like nothing more bizarre had happened than I was late for going out with friends or something.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as all natural as going out with friends, but I use that so you get the idea of how nerve-less I was. Weird.

...and yet.. Get me working inside a computer system.. hardware more than software.. and I'm sweating and frazzled and just bleargh!... It's really odd.. the things that I -should- be nervous about, worried and a bit frazzled over.. I just don't seem to care.. but the other things.. they can get to me if I'm not careful.

~Don't sweat the petty stuff~... Hmm. `Don't worry about the little things`... Um... wrong?
Worry about the little stuff... little things make up the big things.
It's not like a V8 engine is made of one whole component.. it's made up of many smaller modules. If one of those smaller modules is shrecked... the engine itself will be slag. But if all those small pieces are fine-tuned and perfect, that engine will growl like a mountain lion ready for dinner.

So yeah.. I worry about the little things because I know if they're taken care of, the big stuff'll be sorted out by itself (technically, by the little stuff).

Stub a toe. OW OW OW, friggidy McOw, Batman!!
Slash my hand open with a steak knife... uhm... did I just actually do that? (like an idiot, pull skin apart to make sure) ..Yup. Hmm.. better get a papertowel. ..and some ice.
(I'm lucky, I heal quick)

Sunday is a prime example.. 'cause I still have the bruise under my nail. I went to pick up a riser, and must not have been paying attention.. because I jammed my thumbnail into it.. bent it back at the corner. Ow..ow ow ow ow ow friggidy ow, batman!!.. we've all done that.. and it hurts.
Later that day.. I walked into my buddy's apartment.. and somehow managed to bag myself on his door. Not the handle, but the latch. Now before you go asking yourself `how do you whack yourself in the groin with the latch of a door?!`.. I am living proof it is possible. I don't know how, I just know you can do it.
And the thumb hurts worse than that.. it's higher up on the complaint list.
Go figure.

Oh.. to top it off.. what's my sweety say to me about these things?
The door/groin - Ouch, that's gotta hurt. (so sympathetic)
The thumb - well suck it up, buttercup! (she's stealing my line here!!)

We're doing good though. We're like anyone else, we stumble, regain our balance, and fall over in the other direction, only to pick ourselves up and try again.. but we're doing well, I think. (ask her, she may have a different opinion).
And that's something that I need to work on, really.
Relationships can be like a job, or school, or whatever.. they become mundane.. they become routine.. and I can't have that... won't do that to my sweetheart. Because I know if I get bored.. I'm in trouble. Idle hands, and all that rot.
And she deserves better than that. So.. as she deserves better, I will be better, and we'll see where things go from here.

1 comment:

Mary Beth Magee said...

Sounds like things are really moving along in the right direction for you. I'm so glad. You've been in my prayers.

As to the attempts at severe self-inflicted bodily harm: My old country grandmother used to say "My goodness, if you'd do yourself that-a-way, what on earth would you do to somebody else?" Take care, my internet friend. You are precious to God!